Thursday, May 14, 2009

Cankles!

Yes, I have reached the lovely stage of pregnancy that includes cankles. For those not familiar with the term, this is the process through which the bones of the ankle are somehow miraculously abdorbed by a pregnant woman's body, leaving her standing with only stubby feet at the bottom of her legs to hold her. It really isn't very attractive. I promise. I was actually rather horrified this afternoon to look down and realize that this process had taken place seemingly overnight. I think I have rather attractive ankles and feet. Or I used to, before this wayward child had her way with my lower half. I wonder what other joys I have in store before she finds her way out. :-)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Wheels on the Bus...

...Are not a happy place to ride for this pregnant lady!!!

So I haven't blogged in months. Apologies, but I'm not sure anyone actually reads this, anyway. :D However, the events of the morning just beg to be shared. And rather than typing them a million times over, I figure I'll blog about them and then I can point people here. Then, maybe people will remind me that I have this blog and need to update it more than once every 6 months or so. LOL

So this morning was the Boy's first field trip with preschool. We were scheduled to go to a beautiful outdoor farm park as part of their farm unit. However, when we got out of bed this morning, this is what we saw on the radar:


Not exactly conducive to outdoor activity, unless you happen to have gills. So not knowing the fate of the field trip, we dressed for the weather (with rainboots and a rain jacket) and headed over to the school to see what the plan was. The plan evolved from the farm park to McDonald's Playland. I should have turned around right then and gone home...

Instead, we loaded up on the bus and headed to Parental Torture Land. I haven't been on a school bus in years and years. I now remember why. I think our bus driver must have migrated here from somewhere south of the equator. The bus was 80 degrees, at least, and humid as all get out (see above radar). We had 60 people (adults and children) on the bus. Can you say stuffy?!! And the fact that most of us opened our windows immediately upon getting on the bus was obviously not enough of a clue to the driver that we were roasting. She had to be specifically told that we wanted the heat turned OFF. Again, red flags... we should have turned around right then. But this was the Boy's first time on a school bus! How could I deny him this experience?!

Heat was turned off, head count taken, and we were on our way. We had to close windows because it was raining so hard that water was flying in the windows every time we turned a corner. Parents and children were being pelted with water! Up went the windows, but the temperature was at least bearable at this point. Imagine our surprise when, even with all of the windows closed, a few of us were still getting wet. The emergency exit hatch directly overhead was leaking. Really. I swear. I can't make this stuff up! Stream of water flat on the top of my head. The ride was bumpy, twisty, and full of turns. The stress and the ride gave me three pretty strong contractions between school and McDonald's. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when we pulled in the parking lot. The relief was premature.

Imagine the chaos of a bus full of 3-year-olds taking over McDonald's Playland. Or maybe you better not. It was kinda scary and frustrating and overwhelming all at once. The kids knew exactly what to do, so we just let them go. Yet another mistake in my comedy of errors this morning. Next thing I know, my boy is halfway up this mountain of tubing, stuck, and crying. My heart was breaking. I could see him. I could hear him. But I couldn't get to him. There is absolutely NO WAY this momma would have even fit in the first joint of tubing. Another mom had to go up and get him, while I stood there, in tears, feeling like a helpless, worthless Momma. When he finally got out to me, he was sobbing and said, "Momma, I got lost!" My heart broke.

I got him settled, gave him a snack, and all was well. Until I ran to grab a drink and couldn't find him when I got back. I was watching every opening in the tube, just wanting to make sure I knew where he was. And he wasn't there. I sent a couple kids up into the tubes to look for him. Nothing. My heart stopped (and I had a contraction). Finally another mom said, "Oh, he's over there eating." He was hidden from my view by the box of apple dippers and juice, sitting calmly at a table, munching happily away on his snack. Geez-o-pete. Give a momma a heart attack!

Once his snack was done, he went back up in the tubing and finally found his way to the slide!! Major success!! High-fives all around. Things smoothed out from there for a few minutes. But I wasn't lulled into letting my guard down. We weren't back to the school yet.

Time came to head back, so I grabbed the Boy (and another boy I was in charge of because he didn't have a parent present) and ran to the bathroom before the bouncy ride back to the school. Figured that was a smart move, being almost 8 months preggo and all. Apparently we took too long in the bathroom. Another mother was quite impatiently waiting outside the door and kept trying to come in before we were finished. By the time we were done, the rest of the kids were loading up on the bus. She gave me the dirtiest look. Ummm, sorry, lady. I'd rather make it back to the school without going into labor than worry about whether your kid will pee his pants.

Now, before you judge me too harshly, this same parent put her BAREFOOT child up to stand on the drink station while she filled something. Ummm... ok??? I wasn't really worried about keeping any kind of pretense of friendship there. We only have this week and next week of school left anyway. So whatever. She can suck my big toe.

Just as we started out the door for the bus, the skies opened up. Really opened up. And preggo-brain of mine, I forgot that I packed an umbrella in my bag. So we got soaked. Drenched. Like, I could wring out my hair by the time we made it on the bus. Because everyone knows that 3-yr-olds must walk onto the bus themselves, but they absolutely can NOT do it in a hurry. Oh, did I mention the almost completely vertical climb, through wet grass, that was required in order to REACH said bus? Seriously. I'm pregnant here, people. Could you have at least a little compassion?

So we finally got our soggy selves back on the bus for the ride back to the school. Its got to get better, right? HA HA HA!!!

The roof was leaking worse than before, with huge streams of water flowing from all corners of the hatch, depending on the direction of the turn. It was like playing dodgeball with a squirt gun. Or some sick, twisted form of 4 corners? I dunno, but it was cold and wet. But at least it helped keep our mind off of the stuffy bus. In the middle of all of that, another ouchie contraction. But only one!! We were about 3 minutes from the school when the little girl in the row in front of me tossed her cookies. Well, technically her apples and juice, but you get the idea. All over her poor momma! Luckily, most of the kids around her didn't have any idea what was going on. And she was the only victim. Thank goodness!! But the smell. With a preggo nose. BLECH! I think the people around me could tell that I needed off the bus NOW. The seas sort of parted and they made sure to get me out of there.

Wowzers. I'm not sure I'm up for this sort of thing! Too much excitement for this pregnant Momma. The good news is that I have an OB appointment this afternoon. So if all of this mess did anything to progress this baby, we'll know today.

I think I need a nap!!!