Thursday, March 26, 2015

Deliverance...

As I sit here, typing these words with tears in my eyes, I have no idea what to write.  Today is #livefreeThursday, but I'm feeling anything but free.  My life is a mess.  I have one child who just got over two days of high fever and upset stomach and another child who woke up early to an upset stomach.  I'm staring at mountains of laundry, both clean and dirty and a house that looks like it might have been ransacked recently. My husband messaged me a little bit ago to tell me that his entire load of work clothes seems to have oil stains and melted green plastic all over it.  I have half a dozen phone calls I was supposed to make early this week but still haven't made. I needed a shower two days ago. My home, my life is in shambles. 

I recently attended a session of Hearts at Home where the speaker was discussing Titus 2: 3-5.

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind , and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
In order to teach these things, one must be living them herself.  Scripturally, we are to lead by example.  Looking around my home right now, I have failed this ideal miserably.  And I can't even bring myself to read about "The Virtuous Wife" in Proverbs 31.

I feel like one big failure.

It is in these moments that the enemy whispers in my ear.  "See?  You're not enough.  You can't handle the pressure of being a wife and a mom.  You'll never amount to anything.  You'll never be good enough. You'll never measure up. You suck." 

And he's right.  I am one big ball of mess.  I won't ever measure up.  I will never be good enough.


I will never be enough on my own.  I don't deserve God's love.  I've done nothing to make myself worthy of His notice.  But the good news, the gospel, is that I don't have to do anything to earn God's love.  He's given it freely to me, long before I ever knew His name.  Through that love, I have the power of Christ, who died for me even in all of my failures and screwups, to hold me up.  And that makes me enough.  HE makes me enough.

So today, I am going to cry out to God for His mercy and deliverance from these painful, difficult, demoralizing circumstances. I'm going to rely on Him to show me the next step to take, the next word to write, the next thing that needs done.  And I'm going to trust that He's holding me in the palm of His hand.  I am His child, He loves me, and He will see me through this day.  He will set me free!

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This post is part of #livefreeThursday with the wonderful women over at Suzie Eller's blog, tsuzanneeller.com.  Check out the links there for more encouragement.

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5 comments:

  1. Tammy, you are setting the best example of faith I have seen in a very long time girl!! The fact that you are feeling so low and still can write about the goodness of God is miraculous. You ARE living it girl, because everyone of us has that messy life going on right now, even if it doesn't include sick kids. (I got the laundry piles and the oil stains so that I relate to right now!!) Keep going girl, you have amazing faith and your light is shining SO bright. Thank you for being real <3

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  2. Oh, how I understand. Many days I feel completely overwhelmed, and struggle just to make it through until bedtime. As I write this, there is laundry piled high on the kitchen island waiting to be folded, dishes filling the sink, and muddy dog prints on the floor in the front hall. Thank goodness our value is not in anything we manage to do, but rather just in who we are - precious children of the King! Thank you so much for visiting my blog today and taking the time to comment. I will subscribe here, and would love if you'd do the same.

    Blessings,
    Kamea

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  3. At least I'd love to subscribe, but can't seem to find where. Are you on Twitter, we could always connect that way. I'm @kamea_hope - Hope to hear from you again.

    Much love,
    Kamea

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  4. Kamea, I'm working on adding a Follow button. I'm pretty new to this whole blogging thing... :)

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  5. Tammy,
    I have been there...yesterday, actually. It seems so hard to hold it all together, but that's just it-we need to look to the One who holds everything together. He holds us together.
    And no matter how much things get out of hands, HE forever and always will be our sufficiency.
    Yes, pursue holiness. Pursue it with all your might, but when we fall flat, there is mercy...ABUNDANT mercy and grace! Grab it, girl and HANG ON!
    Nice to connect today! :)

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