Yet man is born to trouble
as surely as sparks fly upward.
In the silence of the last eight months, my family has had more than its fair share of troubles. In the beginning of June, a large limb fell during a storm and severely damaged my husband's Durango.
We were fairly positive that the Durango would be totaled and that we would be facing a car payment as we looked to replace it. But God was gracious enough to allow us to keep our Durango! The insurance company fixed the damage, and we got our vehicle back several weeks later.
In the middle of July, shortly after getting the Durango back, the kids and I attended a play in a nearby town. One of my son's best friends was part of the cast, and we were excited to see his performance. On the way home that evening, a deer ran across the interstate directly in front of my Civic. The collision was absolutely unavoidable. None of us were hurt in the accident, but the car sustained quite a bit of damage and was not driveable.
In the midst of our vehicular issues, the kids had a busy summer full of camps, playdates, creek time, birthday parties, good friends, and road trips. Somewhere along the way, I noticed that something didn't seem quite right with my boy. I made a mental note to follow up on it with the doctor, but it didn't strike me as anything urgent, so I let it slip. It slipped for weeks and weeks. It slipped until we were coming home from a trip to visit family and we had to stop five times on a four-hour trip. It slipped until the symptoms became such that we could no longer ignore them.
On a Friday afternoon near the end of August, I called the pediatrician to see about getting an appointment. I knew that it would be the following week before we could be seen, but I wasn't too concerned. Something I said that day, though, made the nurse decide to squeeze us in that same afternoon. We were on our way to an event that evening where I was supposed to be presenting information to parents of new students in a class that I tutor. I hadn't finished preparing the food we were supposed to be taking. I had things left to do. But we packed up and headed out the door, nonetheless. During that appointment, our whole lives were turned upside down.
"We found alarming levels of glucose and ketones in his urine."
Our son was directly admitted to the hospital from the pediatrician's office. His blood glucose level was at 580. (Normal blood glucose levels should fall between 80-120.) He was on the brink of diabetic ketoacidosis, a life-threatening condition caused by excess blood glucose levels. Overnight, he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. And life as we knew it stopped.
The last four and a half months have been a blur of doctor appointments, midnight finger pricks, 2am finger pricks, carb counting, praying, and trying to find our new normal. We've had a crash course in diabetes education. We've started our guy on an insulin pump and a continuous glucose monitoring system, both of which have learning curves. We've learned how to calculate the carbohydrate content of the food that we make at home and that we order from restaurants. We've done a LOT of math. We've navigated three holidays, two of which center almost entirely around food. We've made two road trips, one of which ended with me contracting food poisoning and being stranded with the kids two hours from home. We've faced high blood glucose levels. We've faced low blood glucose levels. We've overdosed insulin. We've underdosed insulin. We've learned so very much. And we have so much yet to learn.
This disease has wreaked havoc on every member of our family. It has been a troubled time in our lives.
In John 16, Jesus was telling the disciples about trials that would come. He painted a picture of discrimination and even death. Life was going to get hard. Then in verse 33, he said this:
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.Peace. Take heart, He has overcome! Oh, how I need peace and victory!
Philippians 4:4-7 says:
Rejoice always... not just when things are going smoothly, but even when there is trouble. Do not fear. God's got this.
And John 14:1 states:
Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.Let not my heart be troubled, Lord! I believe.
And Isaiah 43:19 encourages:
He's doing a new thing, even NOW!
As I pen (or rather type) these words, I come before you as a troubled woman. Last year was a hard year. I'm feeling the weight... the heaviness of so many things. It has taken a toll on my heart. But I also come before you as one not bereft of hope. Because I know that the One who started this whole earth into being loves me. He loves my son. He has plans for my family--plans to prosper us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) I cling to those promises with every fiber of my being. In the darkest of nights, I cry out, knowing that God hears me and that He has a plan for my life... for my son's life... for my daughter and for my husband.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know where I will be going with this blog. I don't know what our normal will end up being. I know that I need to make some adjustments in my own life... in my priorities... and I don't yet have a picture of how that will come together. I hope to get back to writing. But even more, I want to get back to seeking God's heart.
Until next time, I will wait here in the silence.